Berlin FAQ Blog - It looks like English

Not a joking matter

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:21:49 +0100

It's a well known fact that Germans have no sense of humour, and anyone who has been in Cologne in February can confirm this. But with the deadline for the implementation of the Single European Joke in 2009 fast approaching, the Federal Government has been busy implementing measures aimed at bringing the country's humour levels up to international standards and establishing it as a global player in the increasingly competitive worldwide laughter services market.

Continue reading "Not a joking matter"

English Style Chips

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 11:33:51 +0100

Mrs. Penguin's favourite. Made in the traditional English style with finest pure 100% sunflower seed oil and when you open the packet there's a little puff of London fog and "God Save The Queen" plays.

Anyway, just booked the Yuletide flights to "Merry Old England" (sic). The logistics of provincial relatives and provincial airports mean I was unable to avoid having my soul violated by the RyanAir booking system (at a service charge of £3 per violation; ian in hamburg has a more detailed list). Fortunately the Euro seems to be nice and strong so the cumulative charges for requiring a seat, breathing oxygen etc. weren't too painful, and EasyJet had a nice offer on the inbound leg which means the money left over from selling the cat might just cover the cost of a London Underground ticket.

Divided We Clothe

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:11:01 +0100

I'm not quite sure what to make of this bastardised example of Anglo-German newspeak:

Or maybe it's just possible that there's no German word which reflects the meaning of "divided" with the precise nuance H&M intends. Whatever that may be.

Do they do ears too?

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 21:36:03 +0200

The Schönhauser Allee's latest purveyor of ocular organs.

Very British !?

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:02:34 +0200

Do Scottish people get annoyed by this kind of stuff, or do they take these gratuitous insinuations of McStinginess in their stride?

Anyway, die Stadt wird nicht very british (sic), it's a fine autumn day and not a wisp of fog in sight.

Englisch für Fortgeschrittene

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 11:14:08 +0200

Behind every sign is a story. I'm not sure what the story behind this one is, so I'll make one up.

"Terribly foggy today, isn't it darling?"

"Yes, Jasper, you can barely see the Themse."

"It's a miracle I made it home from work, Agatha".

"But Jasper, it's only seven stops to the City on the Tube, London's modern and highly efficient underground network".

"Yes darling, but I am, to lapse into the parlance of the lower classes, well knackered after a hard day of merchant banking".

"Well, you just take off your bowler hat and pinstriped suit and I will set out some afternoon tea for you."

"Ooh, lovely. And what is it I see there? Surely those are..."

"Yes, dear Jasper, your favourite: home pommes. The charlady Mrs. Doorknob was so kind to get me some bio potatoes at the Billingsgate Fish and Chips market on her way here this morning. Would you like some vinegar on your home pommes?"

"Of course, darling. I'm not one of those continentals who drown their pommes in lashings of mayo. Disgusting European habit".

"Yes, dear. But with this fog the continent's probably cut off."

"Quite, darling".

Vocabulary

fog: Nebel (herrschende Wetterlage in der englischen Hauptstadt)
bowler hat: bevorzugte Kopfbedeckung der middle class
middle class: Bevölkerungsschicht, die bevorzugt bowler hats trägt
lower class: Bevölkerungsschicht, die aus Essex stammt
vinegar: Mayo
charlady: Dame (lady), die in britischen Haushalten für den Tee (char) zuständig ist
Europe: knoblauchdurchtränkter Erdteil unweit der Südküste Englands

It is actually Englis

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 12:13:14 +0200

Evidently the British are finally getting the knack of business names which are are, presumably unintentionally (although with the famous British sense of humour one never knows), ambiguous. Such as this juice stand at Stansted Airport. Not quite sure if I'd want to drink something from here, especially if it was "freshly squeezed".

More signage hilarity here on Leicester Square. Meanwhile, not far away, exclusive evidence of the latest innovation from Apple:

Rückkehr der Deppenapostrophe

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:26:39 +0200

We've already established that the apostrophe is a common source of error's in written English, especially as it is wrote on shop signs. However, as a wise and learned teacher once told me (or maybe I just heard the phrase on the Internet somewhere) "if you're going to be wrong, at least be consistently wrong", and recently I was reassured to discover that one business owner on the Kastanienallee, a certain Mr. Hot, appeared to be heeding this advice:

Continue reading "Rückkehr der Deppenapostrophe"

Beer by the metre?

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:13:09 +0200

Hurry hurry hurry to Potsdamer Platz U-Bahn station, where supplies of beer, cola, red bull, multi-vitamin gloop and anything else you may need are running low - there's only 20m left.

Ambiguity

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 21:54:49 +0200

So that's where Berlin's vibrant transsexual scene does its shopping. In the new Alexa (yes, I finally made it in...)

Signs of the times: at the bakery

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:37:41 +0200

Living in Germany is a poor replacement for Japan - at least as far as English abuse goes, but looking around you can still find the odd howler. Evidently this dough-based product retailer in Schöneberg's Hauptstraße was inspired by the "Internationale Presse" sign which stretches across his (or her) storefront to advertise in something resembling English. However, as you can see it is marred by inconsistent use of apostrophes: I presume it was meant to read "Bakery's and Snack's".

Crashed Ice

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 17:48:47 +0200

I suppose it's one way of breaking it down into smaller pieces...

Seen in a fishmonger's window in the Schönhauser Allee.

Donkey Sport

nospam@example.com (Mount Penguin) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 22:10:19 +0200

Whoever thinks these names up needs a hearty kick to the posterior.

Anyway, off to more civilised regions tomorrow. The trusty laptop is coming too, but no guarantees of bloggery.