Entries by Mount Penguin

Everybody's favourite train drivers' union, the GDL, is going on strike again, this time on Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday. The strikes will affect "only" the S-Bahn and Regionalbahn trains, though as not all drivers are in the GDL some trains will keep running. Just so you know.

Behind every sign is a story. I'm not sure what the story behind this one is, so I'll make one up.

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"Terribly foggy today, isn't it darling?"

"Yes, Jasper, you can barely see the Themse."

"It's a miracle I made it home from work, Agatha".

"But Jasper, it's only seven stops to the City on the Tube, London's modern and highly efficient underground network".

"Yes darling, but I am, to lapse into the parlance of the lower classes, well knackered after a hard day of merchant banking".

"Well, you just take off your bowler hat and pinstriped suit and I will set out some afternoon tea for you."

"Ooh, lovely. And what is it I see there? Surely those are..."

"Yes, dear Jasper, your favourite: home pommes. The charlady Mrs. Doorknob was so kind to get me some bio potatoes at the Billingsgate Fish and Chips market on her way here this morning. Would you like some vinegar on your home pommes?"

"Of course, darling. I'm not one of those continentals who drown their pommes in lashings of mayo. Disgusting European habit".

"Yes, dear. But with this fog the continent's probably cut off."

"Quite, darling".

Vocabulary

fog

Nebel (herrschende Wetterlage in der englischen Hauptstadt)

bowler hat

bevorzugte Kopfbedeckung der middle class

middle class

Bevölkerungsschicht, die bevorzugt bowler hats trägt

lower class

Bevölkerungsschicht, die aus Essex stammt

vinegar

Mayo

charlady

Dame (lady), die in britischen Haushalten für den Tee (char) zuständig ist

Europe

knoblauchdurchtränkter Erdteil unweit der Südküste Englands

Evidently the British are finally getting the knack of business names which are are, presumably unintentionally (although with the famous British sense of humour one never knows), ambiguous. Such as this juice stand at Stansted Airport. Not quite sure if I'd want to drink something from here, especially if it was "freshly squeezed".



More signage hilarity here on Leicester Square. Meanwhile, not far away, exclusive evidence of the latest innovation from Apple:

Yup, 16 years ago to the day this Penguin struggled metaphorically onto the welcoming (hah!) shores of the newly reunited Germany, and somehow failed to leave (apart from the odd stint in Japan).

Back then (warning: old codger reminiscences coming up) Berlin was still visibly divided: apart from the scar where the Wall had been very hurriedly removed, the respective East and West institutions were still mostly separated. Telephoning between the two halves of the city was still pretty much impossible (although there was a "flat rate" of 30 pfennigs for a call of any length). U-Bahns, trams and buses in the east were run by the long-vanished BVB, while the BVG operated S-Bahn trains in the west. Together with the East's Deutsche Reichsbahn they struggled to maintain services on the Stadtbahn, which was the only rail link between the two halves of the city with any capacity. Freshly repainted Ladas of the former Volkspolizei pootled down the Ku'damm, while vehicles of the Soviet army were still common in the East. Trabbis and Wartburgs were omnipresent, mixing their exhaust gases with the wintery smell of brown coal being burnt behind the uniformly dilapidated fassades of Mitte and Prenzlauer Berg. Potsdamer Platz was a vast expanse of green, interrupted only by a hideous block of student flats and a huge flea-market. There was a Karl-Marx-Platz station and a Leninallee, complete with a statue of Lenin, although it was dismantled shortly after my arrival (even I told them they didn't need to). I fitted out my first flat partly with stuff acquired at the Stasi closing down sale, and learnt how to heat using coal.

And of course there were no: cheap flights, mobile telephones, Internets or sushi bars. And the shops closed on Saturdays at 2pm. But we got by somehow...

Despite being a former Subject of Her Lizness, the intervals between my visits to England's^[1] green and pleasant shores (always wondered about the "green" bit though, do they paint the sand or something?) have grown increasingly long, but my diary informs me I have an appointment with Air Cheap'O'Jet at the crack of dawn tomorrow: so it's time to dig out the shoebox full of forrin currencies and - just to be on the safe side - verify that my weighty collection of regally decorated coins and notes is still legal tender. And to see if any new ones have appeared in the meantime, because it's happened more than once that I've been handed some item of specie in change (the 2 pound coin comes to mind) and had to look at it very suspiciously and / or interrogate the cashier as to its validity.

^[1] usual disclaimer: I am using "England" in its German sense, though the weekend will probably see me gambolling with the sheep amongst the bracken of the Welsh borders.

Anyway, if the Internet can be relied upon, it appears there is a new 20 pound note featuring the arch-enemy of my left-wing A-level economics tutor, Adam Smith. I have also verified that the 5 pound note, which according to my memory has a picture of Stephenson's Rocket on it, is no longer in use, or even acceptable to anyone apart from the Bank of England, which is a great disappointment because I feel it represented one of the last high-water marks of British railway technology.

Fortunately the two 5 pound notes in my possession appear to be of recent vintage, but if you'll allow me to rant a little here, why are British bank notes always so grotty? And why do people used them to do calculations with? And moreover, why are the coins so bloody heavy? And when will the 2p finally be phased out? I'm sure Britain could meet half of its carbons emmissions targets just by introducing lighter coinage, thereby cutting down on weight that needs to be transported about.

So, here's hoping that over the next few days the trains are running properly (or at least running), there's no tube strike, and there are no devastating floods / terrorist alerts / outbreaks of mad foot disease. Oh yes, if someone could solve the McCann case by late tonight, I'd be very grateful.

Update: Safety fears halt Tube services...

We've already established that the apostrophe is a common source of error's in written English, especially as it is wrote on shop signs. However, as a wise and learned teacher once told me (or maybe I just heard the phrase on the Internet somewhere) "if you're going to be wrong, at least be consistently wrong", and recently I was reassured to discover that one business owner on the Kastanienallee, a certain Mr. Hot, appeared to be heeding this advice:

Hurry hurry hurry to Potsdamer Platz U-Bahn station, where supplies of beer, cola, red bull, multi-vitamin gloop and anything else you may need are running low - there's only 20m left.

Germany's Federal Minister for Panic and Paranoia has been at it again: in an interview with the FAZ Wolfgang Schäuble intimates that we're all going to die sometime sooner rather than later, but don't let that spoil your day (and a very nice one it is at the moment). Talking about the possibilty of terrorist attacks using nuclear weapons:

„Viele Fachleute sind inzwischen überzeugt, dass es nur noch darum geht, wann solch ein Anschlag kommt, nicht mehr, ob“, sagte Schäuble

("Many experts are now convinced that it's now only a question of when, not if, such an attack takes place").

Doch die Deutschen sollten sich von solch düsteren Aussichten nicht ihr Leben vergällen lassen. „Aber ich rufe dennoch zur Gelassenheit auf“, sagte Schäuble. „Es hat keinen Zweck, dass wir uns die verbleibende Zeit auch noch verderben, weil wir uns vorher schon in eine Weltuntergangsstimmung versetzen.“

(But the Germans shouldn't let their lives be spoiled by such depressing scenarios. "I call on everyone to remain calm and relaxed", said Schäuble. "It serves no purpose, if we spoil the time remaining to us because we put ourselves in an apocalyptic mood").

I have never smoked maruhuana (indeed, can barely spell it), but now would be a good time to start, methinks.

... but the 2nd PornfilmfestivalBerlin, from October 24 - 28. To quote the website: "The festival is ... one of the most important cultural events concerning the discourse around pornography...". Wild and uninhibited discourse will be on-going at various locations throughout Berlin during the festival.

If you can't wait until them, check out this Live-Hirschbrunft camera after 6pm and you might get to see some German deer-on-deer action.

So that's where Berlin's vibrant transsexual scene does its shopping. In the new Alexa (yes, I finally made it in...)