Berlin FAQ Blog

Despite being a former Subject of Her Lizness, the intervals between my visits to England's^[1] green and pleasant shores (always wondered about the "green" bit though, do they paint the sand or something?) have grown increasingly long, but my diary informs me I have an appointment with Air Cheap'O'Jet at the crack of dawn tomorrow: so it's time to dig out the shoebox full of forrin currencies and - just to be on the safe side - verify that my weighty collection of regally decorated coins and notes is still legal tender. And to see if any new ones have appeared in the meantime, because it's happened more than once that I've been handed some item of specie in change (the 2 pound coin comes to mind) and had to look at it very suspiciously and / or interrogate the cashier as to its validity.

^[1] usual disclaimer: I am using "England" in its German sense, though the weekend will probably see me gambolling with the sheep amongst the bracken of the Welsh borders.

Anyway, if the Internet can be relied upon, it appears there is a new 20 pound note featuring the arch-enemy of my left-wing A-level economics tutor, Adam Smith. I have also verified that the 5 pound note, which according to my memory has a picture of Stephenson's Rocket on it, is no longer in use, or even acceptable to anyone apart from the Bank of England, which is a great disappointment because I feel it represented one of the last high-water marks of British railway technology.

Fortunately the two 5 pound notes in my possession appear to be of recent vintage, but if you'll allow me to rant a little here, why are British bank notes always so grotty? And why do people used them to do calculations with? And moreover, why are the coins so bloody heavy? And when will the 2p finally be phased out? I'm sure Britain could meet half of its carbons emmissions targets just by introducing lighter coinage, thereby cutting down on weight that needs to be transported about.

So, here's hoping that over the next few days the trains are running properly (or at least running), there's no tube strike, and there are no devastating floods / terrorist alerts / outbreaks of mad foot disease. Oh yes, if someone could solve the McCann case by late tonight, I'd be very grateful.

Update: Safety fears halt Tube services...

We've already established that the apostrophe is a common source of error's in written English, especially as it is wrote on shop signs. However, as a wise and learned teacher once told me (or maybe I just heard the phrase on the Internet somewhere) "if you're going to be wrong, at least be consistently wrong", and recently I was reassured to discover that one business owner on the Kastanienallee, a certain Mr. Hot, appeared to be heeding this advice:

Hurry hurry hurry to Potsdamer Platz U-Bahn station, where supplies of beer, cola, red bull, multi-vitamin gloop and anything else you may need are running low - there's only 20m left.

Germany's Federal Minister for Panic and Paranoia has been at it again: in an interview with the FAZ Wolfgang Schäuble intimates that we're all going to die sometime sooner rather than later, but don't let that spoil your day (and a very nice one it is at the moment). Talking about the possibilty of terrorist attacks using nuclear weapons:

„Viele Fachleute sind inzwischen überzeugt, dass es nur noch darum geht, wann solch ein Anschlag kommt, nicht mehr, ob“, sagte Schäuble

("Many experts are now convinced that it's now only a question of when, not if, such an attack takes place").

Doch die Deutschen sollten sich von solch düsteren Aussichten nicht ihr Leben vergällen lassen. „Aber ich rufe dennoch zur Gelassenheit auf“, sagte Schäuble. „Es hat keinen Zweck, dass wir uns die verbleibende Zeit auch noch verderben, weil wir uns vorher schon in eine Weltuntergangsstimmung versetzen.“

(But the Germans shouldn't let their lives be spoiled by such depressing scenarios. "I call on everyone to remain calm and relaxed", said Schäuble. "It serves no purpose, if we spoil the time remaining to us because we put ourselves in an apocalyptic mood").

I have never smoked maruhuana (indeed, can barely spell it), but now would be a good time to start, methinks.

... but the 2nd PornfilmfestivalBerlin, from October 24 - 28. To quote the website: "The festival is ... one of the most important cultural events concerning the discourse around pornography...". Wild and uninhibited discourse will be on-going at various locations throughout Berlin during the festival.

If you can't wait until them, check out this Live-Hirschbrunft camera after 6pm and you might get to see some German deer-on-deer action.

So that's where Berlin's vibrant transsexual scene does its shopping. In the new Alexa (yes, I finally made it in...)

You'd think they were giving away bananas and Begrüßungsgeld here at the new Alexa shopping centre, that remarkably ugly new structure now disfiguring the vicinity of the Alexanderplatz. There certainly seemed to be something still worth queuing for at 7pm yesterday evening, even following the tumultuous scenes of the previous night, as retail-crazed hordes stormed the building apparently in the belief that China would shortly be banning the export of electronic goods.

During an attempt to rediscover the surface of my desk, I discovered a monthly brochure my health insurer likes to send me, telling me about the wonderful ways they're spending my money. Therein was an article about organ donation with a little card to fill out and carry around should should one ever find oneself in the position to be able to donate organs. I was planning to auction mine off on Ebay, but that sounded like a much more noble proposition, and besides we don't have any really sharp knives. However - it occurred to me - if I'm not allowed to give blood, they're not exactly going to want say my bier-marinated, prion-infested kidneys are they? Or my second, third and fourth stomachs! Moo!

But - what's this? A freephone phone number?

"Organspende-Hotline, guten Tag, mein Name ist ..."
"Guten Tag, ich überlege gerade, ob ich einen Organspendeausweis ausfüllen sollte, und ich wollte wissen ob das Sinn macht, weil ich Brite bin und kein Blut spenden darf".
"Ach, wegen BSE und so? Nein, bei Organen ist das kein Problem, Sie können jederzeit spenden".
"Alles klar, vielen Dank!"

So, there we have it. They'll take your hardware but not the stuff which keeps it moving.

It's in Berlin somewhere...

...when you realize you sort other people's waste into the correct bins (I mean, plastic bags in the compost bin, honestly!) without thinking about it.

Anyway, looks like the UK is trying to play catch-up.